The New York Stock Exchange actually started off with some real energy today almost as soon as the opening bell rang. Too bad that I was on the wrong side of the market from the get go. Actually, I was just on the wrong side of EVERYTHING. I feel like total crap and I’m in that mental state now where I’m trying to think to myself why I chose this stupid field to base a career out of. This shit is gambling – there is no other way to even go about it; this is gambling. And I completely hate its guts. But to put some perspective into it, I haven’t had a day like this in a long time where almost everything I touched turned into shit. I guess I had to suffer one of those days – it’s just the statistical name of the game. I couldn’t get a beat on the Dow, couldn’t get a beat on British Pound, so my only hope was Feeder Cattle. Mind you, at this point, I was already negative and I needed Feeder Cattle to play offensive defense for me (does a concept even exist?). In retrospect, I should have just stopped after the failed British Pound play because that would have saved me from the coup de grace of today’s miserable action. Feeder started off nice and then all hell broke loose and before I knew it, my daily danger zone was getting poked and prodded in inappropriate ways. I cut out of the trade.
Losing a little bit of money is one thing. But getting your daily PnL limit hit is a totally different dirty-herpes infested-smelly-mud caked-yellow-eyed-drooling sentient being altogether.
I’m now here and it’s almost lunchtime. I’m miserable and pissed off. I should have been a doctor or a lawyer but NOOOOOOOOOOO, I wanted to be an entrepreneur, I wanted to go beyond Wall Street and “test my manhood”. I wish I could go back in time to my 23 year old self, slap the cocaine straw out of his nose and scream at him to apply to law school or engineering school. But my 23 year old self would have probably nodded yes and as soon as I let go of him, he would have hit me in the head with a bottle of champagne or something. Losses like this are really painful. These are the types of days when I wish I was ignorant about money and I would be one of those guys backpacking Europe or surfing in Santa Barbara. I have a lot more comparatives to make but I’ll just stop there.
I knew what I was getting into back then and I know what I’m getting into now. Whatever. I’m lucky that I can even type this out on my special laptop while sipping on some Starbucks and I have a roof over my head. I really am lucky, and I have to accept that there is good luck and then there is bad luck. At least I still have a chance to trade tomorrow albeit limitedly because I won’t be trading for the remainder of the week after tomorrow morning due to the holiday. I just gotta chill and move on.