The New York Stock Exchange started off with a good pop to the downside but lost momentum before flirting with new high territory. I figured we were going to have a doozy of a day seeing the news that we had test launched some missiles out west to test their effectiveness against a within-the-galaxy-of-fathomable-stupidity North Korean launch against us. All that though was secondary. What was primary was that I sucked total shitsack in the market and am going home with a pretty beat up PnL.
I don’t know what it was; call it the mothman prophecies or that movie where Christopher Walken sees bad stuff happening before they do but I went into this morning in a fearful state. I go into most mornings with a fearful state but this morning was just off the chain fearful; not like I couldn’t do anything normally but in my mind, I was prepping for the worst case scenario, and it did happen. I did not do well at the cash opening. In fact, I really kind of screwed it up. I normally don’t ever flip positions except when I feel that the market will push inordinately fast but today when I did, I ended up trapping myself and in the struggle to get out and position myself I ended up trapping myself again. It was a very horrible thing to do. It was one of those days where I literally mistimed the chomping crocodile jaws of the market flow and ended up getting killed. In the hopes of regaining some type of PnL health, I started to look for other assets to trade but the only ones that I could trade were the US Indices, so I dug in short a few times on YM but it just kept rising on me until late in the 10-ish hour when it finally started to fall but by that time, all the damage had already been done and then some.
I know that I will face plenty of these days in the future as I have done so in the past but this day was a killer. I am mad. I’m upset. I don’t like to be a good loser – but if there is something that I am thankful for it is that my risk management was there to stop me even if my emotions were starting to get a little tilted. Yes, I took a pretty big loss but at the end of the day, I still have my account. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to make money tomorrow. I just wish I make money all the time. I am entitled like that. For now, there is a whole day to live professionally and gratefully. I’ll make sure that I make the most out of it