The New York Stock Exchange kind of wavered a bit when the opening bell went off. I was a little bit confused. Although it did sort of pick a direction, I just couldn’t get a good read on things. Do you ever get those days where you’re so used to a certain schedule that everything becomes muscle memory and then when you radically veer from that schedule you automatically become a toddler who doesn’t know how to clean up after themselves?
Ok…well, that was me today.
I totally forgot to do my late night run through tradeable assets last night. No excuses, I just forgot. So, in the morning I was trying to rush through everything and it just completely messed with my internal clock/wiring/chakra etc. I tried to force a trade on the Euro really early but after some time looking at the market, I just felt like whatever steam it had pretty much exhausted itself during the London session so I just took my breakeven and la-de-da’d over to the New York cash open. I did not fare very well there because as you saw I just couldn’t get the reads on the market I needed and in the end, I forced trades and ended up getting karate kicked in the teeth. After looking at the big pile of bison excrement that was my PnL, I decided to call it a day. I did want to try and trade more but at that point, I didn’t want to risk anymore capital.
Is there a clean spot in this toilet bowl of a day? Well, if there’s one thing I didn’t overtrade and I didn’t put my emotional health in jeopardy. I can still live the rest of the day grateful that I’m still alive in this business even though it just feels like I got an eye gouged out. I’m angry that I lost and I’m angry that I couldn’t get a good beat on where the markets were heading but all that is water under the bridge now.
Switching gears for a second, I realized something about myself:
I don’t really like soft sateen sheets. No, let me take that back; I like them but I have to be in a certain atmosphere/mood to appreciate them. I know that thread count is really important for people (the fiancée included) but I discovered that I much prefer the substantial and tangible feel of 100% cotton, unsmoothed and unyielding both in my hands and as a thin blanket. Maybe it’s my mindset of orderliness but I just feel like sateen is too soft for me. Why is it like that? I wonder what bedding companies manufacture sheets like that. I think I’ve seen some in IKEA. (If you think that this paragraph is mind-boggling for a trading site you should hear the internal dialogue I’ve had in my head for the last 6 hours about this.) Anyway, it’s cool that I’ve figured out that much more about what makes me comfortable and more importantly, I can articulate it instead of just grunting and scowling whenever something doesn’t suit me like the caveman I am.
Back to the markets. I am still upset that I lost money but I know I need to channel that anger towards a concrete desire to do better tomorrow and that means doing the work that I need to do tonight through watching film breakdown and chart analysis. You know, responsible stuff that adults do. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but I am thankful that I still have money in the account to be able to have another chance tomorrow. I’ll control what I can control now which is my gratefulness and attitude towards the day. This dumb business of trading will be there at my desk tomorrow and that’s where it should stay until then.