10f568c7cbb17c082b58bf2f6c9b3d32The New York Stock Exchange started off crisply and picked a direction. I think now that the threat of North Korea is all but firmly behind us, the global markets can now start nitpicking on whatever it was nitpicking before Li’l Kim (only 90’s hip-hop people will understand this reference, lol) did his sword rattling shakedown-for-funds routine.

As for me, I am very much tempted to call it a week. Although I was able to catch a few good trades on the cash open, I really needed to slay the market in order to get out of the hole I dug myself into. I know that I’m already in trouble when I have to make low beta plays on front ES contracts. Why? Because I’m depending on tick increments to help me out. And it did, along with playing the Nasdaq and the Russell. But today was just a bad day as I ended up taking a mind-blowing loss on Feeder Cattle. Ok, I’m exaggerating a little here. It’s not mind-blowing, it just feels mind-blowing. I am very strict with my daily PnL loss limits simply because it’s the only thing that keeps me in the business when I’m having a bad streak. That being said, it’s not fun at all when I’m in danger of hitting it. A personal limit down, if you will. I came within a couple of hundred dollars of that today and the feeling I got out of that is something I only wish on a handful of people. Taking a loss on Feeder Cattle (and Wheat and Crude) is one thing, but when you take a loss or losses for the entirety of your risk profile, that’s just fucking horrible.

Again, I want to call it a week but I still have work to do. There are still two more cash opens to be traded and I’m sure there’ll be two or three more assets that will merit an extra look. I can’t just flake out like that.

I call myself lucky because I stayed within the risk profile of the business and I put my capital first instead of my pride. Sure it sucked to take the loss that I did but there will be more trades and there will be more days to trade. I am thankful to God that I still have the opportunity to trade and that I didn’t get my emotional state all bent out of shape. I say it before and I will say it again: I own my trading experience. I own my trading business. I own myself and I own my ability to be a professional and decent person in the world. This business of trading doesn’t own me and it can eat a big steaming bag of sh*t.

I hate losing money. I hate losing, period. Today just makes me even more determined to go out and perform well tomorrow. What choice do we have as traders? It’s either this f*cktarded business or having to endure something like this and if I have to endure something like that I will happily jump off the George Washington Bridge:

 

 

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