general-william-tecumseh-shermanThe New York Stock Exchange opened up with just enough energy in order for me to take some good chunks out of the overall market. Things could have been better, mind you but at least there was that. This month has been kind of bleh so far and I find myself behind by hundreds of dollars on where I would like my overall monthly PnL to be. It’s difficult when you are not on schedule because it makes you start to take bigger risks and in the immediacy it may pay off but in the long term that is a recipe for disaster.

Take what I did this morning in the cash open. I figure things were going to be slow but I was tired of these opens and I said “fuck it…let’s go max risk”. I mean, in any other day I would have probably gotten my face plowed but I was lucky today because there were trades that helped me out. Of course, when I tried to trade the ES on a more longer time frame, the PnL suffered a couple of losses turning a good day into a bittersweet one. That is the nature of the business, I guess and this is why you will hear me say nothing good about it. It’s a crap business, it’s a crap career and I dream of the day that I win the lottery so that I don’t have to do this any longer.

I haven’t really gotten to do a lot of the things that I enjoy for the last couple of weeks because I’m working through some outside obligations and in all honesty, it leaves me too tired to even do most of the basic things in the house. I’ve even resorted to having groceries delivered simply because I don’t have the time to go out. I only get brief respites of two to three hours and even as I watch college and NFL football, I find myself neck deep in “getting-things-done-mode”. I would like to escape this cycle but I don’t know how. I am thinking of how to do it but I just don’t have the slightest clue. It is worth noting that I am thankful that I have these “problems” simply because they are a derivative of the lifestyle that I choose to lead. So in the end, they aren’t really problems, rather they are responsibilities that arise from what I undertake in my life. For these blessings, I am thankful to God. What I hate from the bottom of my gut is how stupid this trading career is.

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