10f568c7cbb17c082b58bf2f6c9b3d32The New York Stock Exchange started off really slow. For some reason, I got sucked into trading it and I really really regretted it. I do not feel like posting today because today was just one of those days where I really question my decision to remain in this stupid business. However, in the spirit of perseverance I know that I have to keep going and put forth an even harder effort because if I don’t have this then I’m going to be really screwed.

Once the market opened up, I realized that things were going to be slow despite the 69 point move yesterday. I guess deep down inside, I wanted things to open up with some energy but things just were not going to turn out that way. I really screwed myself. After a couple of losing trades in a row, I knew that I was in serious trouble, so I just stopped trading the cash open. I thought that would be the end of it – then Feeder Cattle came along. I felt like maybe I shouldn’t trade Feeder Cattle but I also know that I have to trade no matter what. It is a part of the portfolio and to mess up one aspect of the portfolio is to affect another – live by the trade, die by the trade. Well, I died by the trade. After not really being able to get a beat on the market, I ended up losing a hellacious amount of money on size. I am not only in shock but I am really just pissed off and would like to sleep for the next 6 months.

Is it time for a break? Maybe. I don’t know. All I know is that this is my job and I have to take it seriously whether I am having a good day or whether I’m having a bad one. I have blessings and I have good days in this business and if I’m just to shut down because of a loss then I will be giving way to a mental spiral that is non-conducive to the business as a whole and will have the potential to wreck most of what I know is my life. I’ve made my decisions, it is what it is and all I need to do is to get on with today. I have some social obligations throughout the day that I committed to and even though I don’t want to do it because of how today turned out, I know that it would be selfish of me. I can’t do that. I’ve had enough good days in a row and I’d be a wimp if I suddenly didn’t want to get out in the world. I just want to get through today and then that’s that.

It’s hard to say that I am thankful after a day like this but I do have to look at the bigger picture. I still have tomorrow and I only semi-wrecked myself. I haven’t had this bad of a day in a while so I should be thankful to God that he drummed into me the wisdom to avoid experiencing days like this all the time. As difficult as it is, it’s just time to take a deep breath, focus on being a professional and just move on.

Fuck this dumb business.

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