The New York Stock Exchange started off the way I always want it to start off – with a lot of energy and enough force to push towards a direction with conviction. Today wasn’t all conviction but there was enough of it where it mattered…..had I read the market correctly. The problem was, I didn’t.
I had gone into the cash open with maximum risk on all my trades and from the get go, nothing was working for me. I couldn’t make the right reads to save my life and for every 1 trade I got right, I got 3 wrong. In then end, I realized that I was gonna get killed if I didn’t close down my computer. Not only had I reached my daily loss limit but I had exceeded it by a mind-boggling amount. This was really one of the worst Fridays I’ve ever had.
As the title suggests in a non-subtle way, I am sick of this dumb business. If this business was a person, there would be no way the cops could get to me in time to stop me from strangling this person with a lamp cord. I’ve been in the business long enough to know that speculation is never as easy as an infomercial makes it to be – never. I’ve also learned that there’s no way to ever justify it as a business. I speak of it as a business because I have to approach it that way for my emotional health – but this is not a business. You are literally digging your finger up the ass of a tiger in the hopes of extracting a diamond and if you know anything about tigers, you’ll know that this is not a good idea. What can be done then to succeed? Well, that’s the underlying point of every single damned trading blog in this internet universe. We are all trying to find consistency in an imperfect world. Can we systematize things? Can we go off of our gut? I have found that the answer lies in between and anything in the neighborhood of those extremes are invariably bound to fail. Why does it fail? I don’t know, but I think it has something to do with the non-arbitrary nature of the markets. I don’t want to use the term random because that goes into extremes. The market is always somewhere in the middle within a stasis point. What works, when it works, and how it works doesn’t include the final PnL number. As many people know, a dumb strategy done at the right time actually yields results whereas a good strategy done at the right time as well will often yield poor results.
So where am I going with this? Well, this is just a rant about trading as a whole. I have to get up on Monday morning and trade again whether I want to or not because these bills aren’t going to pay themselves. I hate this dumb career. This was the stupidest thing I could have ever done, but in a way a dumbass like myself needed this. I needed this to remind myself that the world doesn’t fall into neat lines and that nuance is the prevailing force that governs what we know and how we know things. Being grateful and thankful? Sure, I am. In fact, I’m very thankful to God right now for my blessings. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that I committed the trading equivalent of blowing out a large intestine, so of course I’m pissed. I’m pissed enough to take action and that’s exactly what I’m going to do this weekend. I’m going to take all of my market disappointments in the years that I’ve committed to this stupid career and I’m going to ball it up and I’m going to come out with a defined set of words and ideas about my course of action moving forward.
I love this life and I’m grateful to God – but mannnnnn, fuck this stupid ass business.