It was a really long night last night. We had some people sleep over and between bouts of nervousness and panic, I couldn’t help but notice how great it was that these friends of our had come together to support our friend in the hospital. We live one interstate exit away from the medical center so it just made sense for everyone to stop in after visiting.
I woke up at 5:30 and kept drifting in and out of sleep before I received a call at around 7:30 from my friend’s wife that he was stable and would be admitted to the first hospital bed they could find. I was relieved but at the same time, I felt angry at how bad the situation had looked. While things are certainly better now, my friend has to be able to leave the hospital and thus the waiting game will commence.
Life is so fragile. One moment, you’re functioning at the level your functioning at and then the next, you are completely incapacitated. On my end, I had no idea what the hours between 6PM yesterday up to 11AM today would hold and that is the worst part – it’s the uncertainty. I can tell you that I was so physically/mentally drained that I just fell asleep sitting on the chair in the bedroom. I couldn’t fight the feeling of dread anymore and just completely shut down. I’m worried that going forward, this may be my response to stress – shutting down. It’s like you’re carrying so much weight and even though your brain keeps telling you to hold onto it, somewhere down the line your body rebels and breaks down. This is what it felt like last night.
If there is ever a day where I need to be thankful to God, it is today. Even though I missed the cash open (I just couldn’t bring myself to the computer – I didn’t even check today’s market action), there were obviously more pressing matters at hand. I’m still tired, to be honest. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this weekend but I know that I have to do something in order to be ready for Monday. And this is all with the thought of our friend in the hospital.
I’m just completely out of sorts now but slowly picking up the pieces.