Rain

profile2The New York Stock Exchange opened up quietly today which was kind of surprising since I felt like we were gonna sell off following Friday’s triple digit loss on the Dow. I guess no one wants a part of this shitty ass market. I read the front headlines of today’s Wall Street Journal but truth be told, I’m still so exhausted from this weekend that I don’t really remember what the big points were going into today’s market.

The cash open provided good opportunities for me and I made some good reads but there was one point where I was caught off guard by a big wave of buying and that pretty much relegated my PnL to the point where I felt like I would lose a large chunk of the ticks I earned in the beginning. I traded maybe 2 or 3 times afterwards but it was more for the gross PnL number. I just wasn’t productive today – I was diluted. Before I went to bed last night, I saw an opportunity to get into the British Pound on the short side but as I was watching things develop I felt like the traders could push it up at any moment going into the latter half of the London session so I traded it carefully which was kind of a dumb idea because the whole market just fell apart and I would have been better off with one trade to the short side instead of the exploratory contracts that I sold short and covered.

Like I said before, I am still really tired. I could never really get the amount of sleep that I wanted to this weekend and even though things are ok now, there is still a little uncertainty swirling around. I have other things that have been pressing in my life for a while that are coming due and it’s making me really really nervous. Well, it’s really only one problem but still. I would like to catch up on some sleep this week but I feel like I need a plan to knock out these worries that I have in my head – even if it’s a one-at-a-time plan I want to have it written out so I can commit to it. I’m thankful to God that I have this new day and I hope that I can be the best person that I can be.

The Waiting Game

It was a really long night last night. We had some people sleep over and between bouts of nervousness and panic, I couldn’t help but notice how great it was that these friends of our had come together to support our friend in the hospital. We live one interstate exit away from the medical center so it just made sense for everyone to stop in after visiting.

I woke up at 5:30 and kept drifting in and out of sleep before I received a call at around 7:30 from my friend’s wife that he was stable and would be admitted to the first hospital bed they could find. I was relieved but at the same time, I felt angry at how bad the situation had looked. While things are certainly better now, my friend has to be able to leave the hospital and thus the waiting game will commence.

Life is so fragile. One moment, you’re functioning at the level your functioning at and then the next, you are completely incapacitated. On my end, I had no idea what the hours between 6PM yesterday up to 11AM today would hold and that is the worst part – it’s the uncertainty. I can tell you that I was so physically/mentally drained that I just fell asleep sitting on the chair in the bedroom. I couldn’t fight the feeling of dread anymore and just completely shut down. I’m worried that going forward, this may be my response to stress – shutting down. It’s like you’re carrying so much weight and even though your brain keeps telling you to hold onto it, somewhere down the line your body rebels and breaks down. This is what it felt like last night.

If there is ever a day where I need to be thankful to God, it is today. Even though I missed the cash open (I just couldn’t bring myself to the computer – I didn’t even check today’s market action), there were obviously more pressing matters at hand. I’m still tired, to be honest. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this weekend but I know that I have to do something in order to be ready for Monday. And this is all with the thought of our friend in the hospital.

I’m just completely out of sorts now but slowly picking up the pieces.

Emergency Room

I couldn’t post at all today because of a medical emergency of someone very close to me. I am just mentally distraught at this point but I will try and keep the normal pace of the blog.

The New York Stock Exchange traded with energy from right out of the gate. I came out positive on the PnL along with positions that I had to feel my way through in both Orange Juice and Feeder Cattle. You just have to know your markets, I suppose.

I am glad and I am thankful for today. Unfortunately, it all went downhill from there.

When you care about someone and they get into a bad predicament, it’s hard to leave everything to God even though that’s the only thing that you can do. The trouble that I have with that is that God will judge and his judgement doesn’t depend on the fervency of your prayers. My wife and family have been supportive and they are doing their best to calm everyone down at the house which has turned into a crisis command center. I have to be as stoic as possible but deep down I am panicking and emotionally wrecked. I just want things to be ok. I hate it how things are fine in one minute and then irreversibly changed the next – I completely hate it.

I’ve been around death too many times to know when its even a remote possibility.

I don’t think I can nor do I want to trade tomorrow although I may just have to pop in and at least look at the cash open. Right now, I can’t even concentrate with all these thoughts crashing in my head.

I feel alone and helpless about this situation.

I’m just in a bad place right now.

Trudging Along The Week

77bdd6e367dfe91371285de6869c907bThe New York Stock Exchange opened up slowly but after a minute or so was semi-flooded with buy orders. It wasn’t a bad open at all – you had energy and fast price movement, things that you can build a trading strategy on whether its momentum or mean reversion: it was all there. I do not know where the market is right now as I type this but what I also noticed was that price action seemed to be independent of the local elections which, depending on the news channel you watch, were celebrated gloriously or mentioned as a footnote. Additionally, I wasn’t able to see anything in today’s Wall Street Journal because I decided I didn’t give a rat’s ballsack today.

I traded Cocoa today and that turned out well for me. I needed it because while I had a fairly decent turn trading the cash open, there was a point where I started to make shitty reads on the market and for whatever reason, kept pushing my luck when it was clear I wasn’t doing well. The result was that the commissions really put a dent into my PnL and if it hadn’t been for the Cocoa trades that I made, I would have closed up shop feeling really shitty about my lack of discipline. I don’t know why I just kept trading. Maybe there was a part of me that wanted to make up for yesterday. It’s odd and it’s not normal for me to do that. However, I am thankful that I caught myself and did what was necessary to keep a productive day into becoming a financial mudhole. I just took my winnings and wrapped it up.

I am thankful for today because it is hard to make money in this dumb business. Being able to close the desktop/laptop with green numbers gives a sense of pride that can’t be duplicated. But when I say pride, it’s not the dense, social-media-whoring type of pride. It’s more like a pride in one’s self and one’s identity. However, I would also be guilty of omission if I didn’t tell you that a part of me also feels relieved. I never take trading for granted because of the meta-arbitrary nature of it. There is never a true win in this business – only loss, and lots of it.

Underwhelming

3cc83349662986993de32476f7c2fe21The New York Stock Exchange opened up quietly this morning even though there was some presence of big movers & shakers in the midst. I didn’t get to read this morning’s Wall Street Journal because I just felt like leaving the coffee house (dropped the wife off to work this morning because she felt a little tired).

We experienced a follow through in the overall market going into the Asian and the London session but it all fell apart in the early morning. I decided to just buy a couple of ES contracts for the overnight to see what would happen. It’s funny because whenever I trade for the overnight haul something invariably wakes me up like 3 in the morning and then when I check on my positions, I’ll just cut it and that’s what happened. I just wasn’t feeling the price action anymore so I cut the position for a miniscule gain. In my mind, it’s better to have a small gain than a medium sized loss. Anyway, so I woke up again this morning and got ready for the cash open. There were tradeable opportunities but I just couldn’t get a good read on the Nasdaq and the NYSE. In short, I ended up shooting myself in the foot but had it not been for the overnight SP00’s I would have ended up killing the PnL. As it stands, I’m down on commissions. Is it ok? No. Am I relieved? Kind of.

We are finally getting the cold front that I’ve been waiting for in the East Coast. Now this is real November weather. I’m going to be picking the wife up and we’re going to lunch together. She has been supportive during this rough patch in trading especially since we had to skimp on about a week’s worth of discretionary spending because I had that rotten October. Hopefully this month will bring a better harvest. Again, I’m thankful to God that I have this life and that I can go in tomorrow and trade in this dumb career.

Just Another Monday

RooftoRunThe New York Stock Exchange got off to a slow start today but there were moves to be exploited so it wasn’t like it was freeloading off of market participants. I mean, it does, in a definitive sense but there are times when the strength of supply and demand forces markets to be faster than what people would expect. Anyway, the market opened well and that’s all that matters.

I didn’t take any trades this morning or last night due to the fact that there was nothing in the horizon that I felt warranted any capital so I just geared up for the cash open. I was able to trade ok by my base standards – a couple of good reads here and a couple of good reads there. I basically beat business costs and then some. The only thing that was a damper on the day was that I couldn’t go in with the kind of risk I wanted to take because I felt like the action was a little bit muted. We had already killed the longs overnight and because of the overall trend of the broad market the shorts don’t want to think about coming in. However, I do feel that there are some big players chomping big cars/orders at the bid so I wouldn’t be so upside biased this week. Of course I could be wrong.

It has been raining all weekend here in the East Coast so there’s just been mud and gunk all over the place. It’s cool – I get to wear rainboots and traipse around in nature. I know you’re probably expecting some type of trading epiphany with regards to being one with the wilderness but I’ll tell you right now, anybody talkin’ about epiphanies in this business is not a person you want to be around. There are no lightning bolts of discoveries in this field – only a slow and painful grind comparable to post prom backseat fumbling MINUS the near certainty of achieving “the goal”. No, trading is like building a tower brick by brick upon principles that have to be reexamined diligently. In short, it’s a dumb and hard business. However, I am thankful to God that I have another day so the best I can do for myself is to prepare for it.

What I Needed

M8DBOID EC001The New York Stock Exchange has been more energetic lately than I can remember – and that’s a good thing. This is where people make money. You can’t make money in contracts and markets that are stagnant and don’t move. Unless you are one of those guys trading cars of Eurodollars, then it’s pretty cool if you’re in a market that rarely moves big but for the rest of us including myself that have to slave away in the salt mines, we need markets that move.

The cash open provided me with ample opportunities to make money and even though I had a couple of bad reads in the opening minutes, I traded the markets well enough to come out productively ahead of all business costs – something I am very proud of. Additionally, I traded Wheat this morning and like the cash open, I did have a point where I wasn’t making good reads but after I had solidly positioned myself, I was able to make a good profit and do it on size. Overall, today was a great day. It was beyond productive but of course, not the stuff dreams are made of. But who cares, right? It’s Friday and the best thing that you can do for yourself on a Friday is make money.

I’m not going to lie – I really needed a day like today especially being a Friday. I felt so crummy about last week and trading for the most of this week just wasn’t helping me so when I closed out the PnL for today I was relieved and joyous. I can go into the weekend with a more relaxed state of mind and more conscious of myself. It’s not like I wasn’t doing that last weekend but when you’ve got the weight of a negative PnL on top of personal obligations, it tends to color the way you interact with the world – I’m just being honest here. I’m not a motivational speaker type of person and I always felt like that schtick was disingenuous at best. I’m a human being and sometimes shit gets real with me. Nevertheless, I am thankful to God that I can enjoy this day and go into the weekend in this manner. It’s hard enough to profit in this dumb business so I’m really going to be as grateful as I possibly can.

Rounding Out The Week

The New York Stoprofilepic4ck Exchange was a bit wobbly after the opening bell today. I suppose this is going to be the character of the market now that the Fed has telegraphed what it aims to do. I foresee a lot of jostling for position but as for a pronounced market move, this may be it for year 2017 – of course, I’m just stipulating.

I traded Wheat this morning in anticipation of a nice little setup that I saw and while it didn’t really pan out, I was able to get a few ticks on size so it made things a little easier for me going into the cash open. There wasn’t much going on in the cash open either save for one or two moves both to the upside of the market. I anticipate that the strength will continue but I’ve taken what I could take out of the market and there’s no point in me risking anymore capital if I feel like we’re going to be sluggish the rest of the way.

It’s a nice day today, but I’m expecting that we get more of a consistent cold air. This weird weather – warm one day, cold the next – just isn’t cutting it for me. I don’t like it and every time I bring out the jacket it seems like it goes to 70 degrees. This is a good way to get sick. I’m just going to close out this post for today. I am thankful to God that I was profitable and I just want to rest and get ready for tomorrow.

A Cold Wind

profilepic1The New York Stock Exchange opened up with some pop today which was a surprise given that we had already moved 100+ ticks in the overnight market. I guess there was good news to come out of London or Asia. However, the big news here is that the CME is aiming to create a futures contract out of Bitcoin. This is enormous news that has very far reaching consequences if not revolutionary ones in the realm of fiat currency. Now, it should be noted that a Bitcoin futures contract would have enormous daily and reserve margins given its volatility so we would probably be looking at a situation where most traders except the most adventurous ones would be priced out. Still, it’s interesting that the CME finally took a look into this. From a business standpoint, it’s a great move because having a hold on that contract is a preventative measure from any other exchange profiting and possibly taking over as the leading exchange of the world – that is – if Bitcoin ever became “for the masses”.

I only traded Orange Juice outside of the cash open today and I didn’t fare too well on those trades. I didn’t really get a good handle on the price and while I didn’t lose all that much, it was enough to put a dark cloud over my day. The cash open wasn’t that much better. Again, I didn’t have a good lock on the markets and I found myself playing catch up and trying to dig myself out of a hole that I created. The only good thing about today was that on both contracts, I wasn’t playing maximum risk as I felt like today wasn’t a max risk type of day. Overall, trading was a mixed bag. It’s not something I’m proud of but at least it wasn’t like Friday when I got absolutely slaughtered. It’ll take a while for last week to get out of my mind – it was that bad.

Finally, I’d like to talk about something that happened yesterday in my beloved New York City. Not since September 11 have I felt a gnawing sense of being relatively unsafe walking around those streets. And even if there wasn’t a terrorist attack, you have to think about abrasive homeless people and equally abrasive vendors peddling unlicensed services and goods. New York City today doesn’t even have the distinction of a type of hypercapitalist economy. Rather, it’s a cesspool of unscrupulous business practices tied in with a questionable city government. But that’s just my setup for the point I’m trying to make. What I’m saying is that New York City is more dystopian and cynical that I ever could have imagined it to be. There is no middle class anymore – there are only Lords and Serfs. This is no more evident than the mayor’s reaction to yesterday’s terror attack. Only a few hours later, he was seen walking amongst the floats in the Halloween parade. Now I know I’ll get some flack for this but after a terror attack, I think that an appearance is ok but to be walking around and acting like nothing significant happened is not only dangerous and disrespectful but it also shows just how out of touch the city’s governing elite is with reality.

Now, more than ever, I am assured of the fact that mayor De Blasio, as well as his liberal counterparts in other cities, states & countries are willing to sacrifice their own citizens to the anger of Islamic/Anarchist terror in the hopes of satisfying their bloodlust. Why are they doing this? Well, it’s simple. Because they know that no matter what, these citizens will vote to keep them in power and as long as only a few are sacrificed the rest of the city, state, country will only care up to the point of posting “prayers&thoughts” hashtags. The reality is that the liberal elite will never have to take the subways or mass transit or walk along bike paths alone the way that regular tax payers do because they are surrounded by an entourage of bodyguards. The bottom line is that they are safe from the poisonous ideologies that they force on regular citizens and that goes ditto for the more well to do citizens as well that use their wealth to enjoy a moral high ground.

It’s said that when a problem is so obvious and in front of everyone, it’s too late to do anything about it. Additionally, the medicine will sometimes be more painful than the disease itself. All I know is that we live in very strange and unprecedented times. While it is good to be grateful, it’s also good to be honest and take a good look at one’s self in the mirror. This not only applies to life as we know it, but in trading.