So Far, So Good

profilepic1The New York Stock Exchange was a little slow despite the move upwards. I just didn’t get all that much movement out of my trades and the result was just a big bowl of something that I don’t think qualifies as crap but doesn’t qualify for something decent either.

My asset trades were the only thing that saved me. I traded Wheat this morning for a nominal gain in the PnL. I wish I had stopped there seeing as this session became a repeat of last’s but that’s just how this dumb business is. You think things are gonna happen one way and it totally happens in a different way. Dumb…so fucking dumb. When I think about how the cash open was, I get infuriated. It was stupidly slow so in an effort to make up for that slowness, I sized up thinking that the less ticks but the more size I had would help me out. Of course, it didn’t and it actually ended up putting me in a rougher spot.

Am I disappointed? Yes. Did I expect this kind of BS for today? Pretty much.

So, I’m not really all that mad. It’s just that I want money. Everything in life is about money for me. I wish I had just gone off and become a hermit.

I hate this business.

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Tuesday Blues

profile5The New York Stock Exchange had a slow open this morning. I didn’t have much by way of movement to make any decent trades. I was driving around yesterday and I saw all the flags at half mast. I was wondering to myself if Justice Sandra Day O’ Connor had passed away because she was in the news regarding her dementia. But then I remembered the synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh and assumed that was it. What a heinous crime to have happened. I know the guy’s motive and all but c’mon man…a synagogue? This is getting ridiculous.

I traded the British Pound this morning and I came out with a relatively productive amount of money for not sizing up. I didn’t want to size up because I was thinking there would be some news coming out about us and it could move the currencies in a way that doesn’t produce anything long or short. In hindsight, maybe I should have sized up but that’s what most of this dumb business is – looking in hindsight.

The New York Stock Exchange opened up and I just couldn’t really get a fire started. For every decent sized trade I made, it was eroded severely by me going full size in sort of shitty or losing trades. In the end, I needed to save the PnL so I just called it a day.

I can’t believe the Red Sox won it all this year. I mean, I can believe it – it’s just that I hate it. You can tell I’m a Yankees fan, can’t you hahaha. Anyway, I was hoping that even though the Yankees were a wild-card, they would take Boston to six or seven in the ALCS. The failure of this underscores the need for quality pitching from the Yankees. I know that the front office doesn’t want to spend big money but they’ve got to go out and somehow get Zack Grienke from Arizona. That would be the centerpiece that would attract some good free agent pitching from the league. Anyway, now that baseball season is over, I can now give the last 3% of my sports concentration to football. Not that I need to anyway because my team is a hot steaming pile of camel shit.

Woke Up This Morning…

77bdd6e367dfe91371285de6869c907bThe New York Stock Exchange traded pretty well this morning. The action was brisk and there were plenty of places wherein I could practice PnL acrobatics. Although we are up in the indices, there were plenty of short opportunities along the way.

I was sized up to the maximum amount that I could get to and outside of 2 crappy trades, I made good to very good money in the Dow which is a big thing for me given that it’s the end of the month and I’d like to pad my stats if possible. I had no asset trades this morning as I didn’t see anything that warranted some risk. I wanted to go full scale with my contracts and I felt like there was no reason out there to engage in anything so rather than waste capital on what I think could happen, I just waited for the NYSE.

I woke up this morning and it was still mildly dark. I went out to my patio, took a deep breathe and thought to myself “Thank God for this day.” “….but I hate this job, I hate my professional life, and I want out.” Yes. I know I’ve been going on and on about how much I hate trading but recently (read: this weekend), it has reached a heading point for me. I knew that getting married and having the specter of future plans would force me to reevaluate why I trade but truthfully, I’ve been doing that for years – even before I started dating my wife. To her credit, she is very supportive of me. In fact, most of the feeling of quitting stems from me and not from her. She loves the idea of small luxuries here and there and getting that super luxury SUV after I put away money for like 2 years (I financed with a huge downpayment) really showed her the power of trading. But she also knows the downsides and how it can affect my day. It may seem like she is comforting me because I’m the cash cow and yes, it is the truth but I know she loves me very much. I just want to make sure that when I do make the jump out of trading – and believe me, I will – I want to be in a position where I can give her what she deserves. I care for her deeply and there’s no one in the world I would rather be with.

But this business, this dumb stupid business has gotten me so bitter and angry. If it isn’t the taxes I have to pay it’s the constant worry of brokerage issues. I came into this dumb career field looking for a comfortable life. All I’ve found was a bed with needles to sleep on, a chair with needles to sit on and food and water with shards of glass that I put in my body everyday. I hate it. But most of all, I hate how I suckered myself into thinking that this was the only way.

I thought my wife was in the home office yesterday doing facebook/Instagram things while I was watching football in the livingroom. When I went to go check on her, I found that she wasn’t there. After looking upstairs and out in the backyard, I went to the front of the house where I found her underneath my truck. She was changing out the motor oil for me knowing that I was about to do it later that afternoon.

If that isn’t true love, then I don’t know what is.

Some Power

The New York Stock Exchange traded with some real and raw power today. This is what I needed and this is what I wanted.

I got a very niceĀ  bump out of the British Pound trading it super early in the morning and the cash open was – well, the cash open had action right out of the gate. My only regret was that I wasn’t sure as to how the equity indices were gonna play out so I was conservative with my size. In my asset trades, I threw down the hammer size wise and was rewarded.

I can go into the weekend relaxed, drinking a beer and fantasizing of ways I would torture and kill this career if it were a person.

Not What I Wanted

profilepic4The New York Stock Exchange traded pretty slowly despite what happened yesterday. I figure there would be some type of continuation but instead there was just just a coagulation of prices. I can sense that everyone is just watching and waiting, putting out orders here and there to see how fast they get eaten up to make a determination of order flow. I don’t really care – all I care about is whether or not the market is moving because that is the only way you can make money in this dumb career. I wish that much of today’s gains would have made their way into the morning or mid-morning but alas, that’s how the game goes: if you’re not there, then you miss it.

I traded Cocoa and things were ok. I think I followed an upward trajectory after my first two trades, nickel and diming my way up until I was productively positive. It was the cash open, though, that ended up hurting me. I ended up sizing on my shitty trades and not sizing on my good trades – the ultimate equation for failure. And because there were moves in the market, I just wasn’t positioned correctly to exploit them.

All in all, I logged out of my desk negative on the day. I hate it but these are the things you’ve got to learn to accept. Even when the market has a positive day, you can still be down going long. It’s just the nature of the game.

I ran a couple of errands and when I got home I played a little Halo before falling into a deep sleep which is why I’m typing up this post so late. I might just cook dinner for me and the wife when she gets home. I’m trying to think of what ingredients are in the pantry but I suppose I’ll have to cut this post off here and take my ass to the kitchen.

Called It A Day Early

prof3The New York Stock Exchange had a slow opening out of the gates but it all worked out, I guess. Too bad I was no longer there to trade it. I have a rule when I trade and that is, I don’t trade the morning for very long because I know that the longer I’m in the arena mashing through commissions, the more I’m going to spend and the more the possibility is that I will end up losing money. So I will get in and try to make some cash as quickly as I can. Sometimes, my day will last for 40 minutes sometimes, I’ll go into 11:30AM. The fact is, I don’t like exposing my capital out to the elements of randomness.

I traded Feeder Cattle today and while I came out on the positive end of things, it wasn’t all by much. I think I may have done 3 trades where two were just breaking even and the one didn’t really lift off at all. The cash open was the same; I was trying to establish positions but my perches kept giving out from under me for most of the time. I had to be fast and most importantly, I had to be nimble which affected my size and that’s why I didn’t come away with the kind of money that I wanted. Still, I’m thankful that I didn’t lose anything.

I am shopping for new clothes this week as I think it’s time I upgrade my wardrobe. My taste in clothing is generally simple but when I need to dress up I get the best of the best. I’m talkin Wrangler flannel shirts/Levi’s jeans in the day and Canali suits/Hermes ties at night son – that’s the only way to do it. But I don’t have many nights where I have to dress like that so when I do buy stuff for night affairs, I can spend money on the really good stuff. Everything else is just a trip to the good ol’ Walmart or Target. I like living below my means – it helps with everything; especially when you’re in a dumb career like trading where nothing is said in stone and your life literally hangs on the balance.

I hate this fucking job. I wanna stab it in the eye and rip out its intestines.

Mask Off

The New York Stock Exchange traded pretty quickly this morning out of the bell. I’m glad because this is the second day in a row that these types of opportunities have abounded for me. It is especially helpful for reasons I’m about to go into.

I woke up a little before 5 to see if there were any markets that I could trade – specifically, the currency or bond markets. There was nothing moving so I just hung out. I was anticipating something in the British Pound but the formation never came to fruition so I just decided that it would be best if I concentrated my efforts in the cash open. I wish I had made money in New York but I just traded shitty towards the end of my book. I started out great and then things just went sideways. Luckily I wasn’t sizing up any longer on those trades so it helped to protect the gains in the PnL.

In the end, while there is much to be desired money-wise for today, I am positive and that’s something I’m willing to end the day on. I don’t give a fuck about anything else today. I’ve just been barely waking up when I need to wake up and I’m going through the day super tired and minimally functioning. Still thankful though.

Still hate this dumb career.