77bdd6e367dfe91371285de6869c907bThe New York Stock Exchange traded pretty well this morning. The action was brisk and there were plenty of places wherein I could practice PnL acrobatics. Although we are up in the indices, there were plenty of short opportunities along the way.

I was sized up to the maximum amount that I could get to and outside of 2 crappy trades, I made good to very good money in the Dow which is a big thing for me given that it’s the end of the month and I’d like to pad my stats if possible. I had no asset trades this morning as I didn’t see anything that warranted some risk. I wanted to go full scale with my contracts and I felt like there was no reason out there to engage in anything so rather than waste capital on what I think could happen, I just waited for the NYSE.

I woke up this morning and it was still mildly dark. I went out to my patio, took a deep breathe and thought to myself “Thank God for this day.” “….but I hate this job, I hate my professional life, and I want out.” Yes. I know I’ve been going on and on about how much I hate trading but recently (read: this weekend), it has reached a heading point for me. I knew that getting married and having the specter of future plans would force me to reevaluate why I trade but truthfully, I’ve been doing that for years – even before I started dating my wife. To her credit, she is very supportive of me. In fact, most of the feeling of quitting stems from me and not from her. She loves the idea of small luxuries here and there and getting that super luxury SUV after I put away money for like 2 years (I financed with a huge downpayment) really showed her the power of trading. But she also knows the downsides and how it can affect my day. It may seem like she is comforting me because I’m the cash cow and yes, it is the truth but I know she loves me very much. I just want to make sure that when I do make the jump out of trading – and believe me, I will – I want to be in a position where I can give her what she deserves. I care for her deeply and there’s no one in the world I would rather be with.

But this business, this dumb stupid business has gotten me so bitter and angry. If it isn’t the taxes I have to pay it’s the constant worry of brokerage issues. I came into this dumb career field looking for a comfortable life. All I’ve found was a bed with needles to sleep on, a chair with needles to sit on and food and water with shards of glass that I put in my body everyday. I hate it. But most of all, I hate how I suckered myself into thinking that this was the only way.

I thought my wife was in the home office yesterday doing facebook/Instagram things while I was watching football in the livingroom. When I went to go check on her, I found that she wasn’t there. After looking upstairs and out in the backyard, I went to the front of the house where I found her underneath my truck. She was changing out the motor oil for me knowing that I was about to do it later that afternoon.

If that isn’t true love, then I don’t know what is.

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