Missing Link Of The Annihilator; Absolute Zero

I have no idea what the market is doing right now.

And frankly, I don’t give a komodo dragon’s diarrheic bowel movement. I am free today. Free to roll the ball in what will be my the final sets of entried I put on this blog.

The thing about trading, or making money is that once you get to the “peak of the mountain”, the real work starts. Whatever struggles you had and whatever pain you went through just to get here – it all doesn’t magically go away. I see a lot of these “trading celebrities” chalking up their newfound lifestyles talking about how they’ve “made it” – and yet, they’re still running advisory services on a subscription basis. The point is, I have met a lot of these people and because I’m a jealous and vindictive fuck, do my research on them to find that the reality of their lives is as byzantine as the methods they use to keep it hidden.

I say byzantine because I’m not going to make any statements as to the quality or morality by which these people conduct their lives. I’ll let you, the reader, infer for yourselves.

Because he who lives in a glass house, should not throw stones. And believe, me my house is pretty much all glass.

But the reality of my life is byzantine in other ways and that’s what I wanted to take this post to talk about. Furthering the point about what happens after you “succeed”, life becomes a derivative of it – still the same basics, but a derivative.

I hate this job, you should know that already. But I hate it because I thought it would take me away from the hardships that I fought so hard to avoid. Instead, I sank neck deep into it when the money started coming in. My tax liability for last year is $45,000 (rounding up) – which I have to pay in quarterly installments. I know many of you will be able to back into my “salary” that way but I mention this because I want to show you the other side of “success”. Every quarter I have to come up with $11250 which works out to $3750 per month and like $130/day. When you look at the daily number and put that up against my utilities, mortgage, etc. I am starting each day at a negative number by which I have no guarantee that I will climb out of. This is why losing days really really hurt me. A productive day which covers all my expenses AND puts some discretionary cash in my pocket and for my wife is something that I have to use my entire breadth of knowledge, risk mitigation and faith for.

And this isn’t counting the money I want to make for an emergency like, you know, one day trading just stops making money for me.

What would I do then? What could I do then.


People will generally start to get weird around you when it comes to money. I think everyone knows this. But what many people don’t know is that the existential threat to your newfound blessing will come from your immediate family. I am, by most accounts, estranged from my family and many of my friends who I came up in the business with. Do I regret it? A little bit. But at the same time, I recognize that people are different in different situations. When we were all just average shmucks doing cocaine and hookers in Tokyo and Miami it was all good and fine, but once the money started coming in then we all got a sense of each other’s priorities. I was the last out of a group of 5 guys from an even bigger group of 10 or 12 to make money and I didn’t start making serious money till my mid-20’s. What I observed from the 4 people that made it before me was how someone in their family would suddenly have this killer real-estate deal or some commercial business that would triple money in a year. You could guess how it went. I got screwed as well because my cousin kept hounding me about some real-estate in California and in the end, the builder went bankrupt and took my money with him. I practically have to hunt my cousin down nowadays everytime I need to talk to him as a result. Thankfully, it didn’t kill me but I know for many others, that was the death knell to their success.

My wife knows not to tell anyone about what I do. And I make it easier for her. We live in a modest house in a modest neighborhood. Of course, you know our biggest purchase was the swimming pool but that’s because I wanted my wife to enjoy being in the backyard. Our lawn is cut nice and green and our house is remarkably sterile and almost staged because of our minimalist tendencies. That gives us the latitude to be able to spend on what we spend on like our vehicles and our toys that keep us busy. She still works but it’s only because she wants to help me create a financial buffer but in the end, no one really knows what we do and if it does come up I tell people I’m in Finance.

But back to family.

Being well-off is…a culture. You can have money coming in but if you’re a retard, people will exploit you and you will end up blowing your ability to make money by getting yourself into shitty financial situations.

This is one of the things “success” tests you on. Your ability to not get caught up in the “success” stuff. It’s almost as if “success” imprisons you to a life of proactive austerity. I will never understand how some people who make the same or less than me take on enormous mortgages and car loans while stretching themselves thin on social commitments. None of these motherf*ckers are gonna help you when you lose money – especially your family. In fact, your family will be the first to bail on you and tell you to “get perspective” when you get into a financial bind. Nevermind the fact that you paid for a whole bunch of their shit when things were good. People always love acting boujie, going to Olive Garden everyday and making big speeches and talking about “family and love” when the money is coming in but boy, when it’s not – everybody turns into a bunch of worthless frogs croaking in the night.

When you, the reader, make it in this dumb business – and I know you will because you have the determination to do so; NEVER EVER TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU’VE MADE IT. Just trust me – never say anything. Let people find out for themselves, let them speculate. Stay the fuck off of Instagram or Facebook. Don’t post pictures of your new cars, hotels you’ve stayed in, etc. That’s just bullshit. Concentrate on your job – because once you neglect that it’ll neglect you regardless of how many years you put into it.


Lastly, I see so many people making money “talking about success”. When I was younger, I admit that I got caught up in the selling of the dream. But now, as an older…grimmer…grizzled angry fuck of a man I get low-key annoyed by hearing people with simple solutions about success. You soon realize that “talking about success” is the way these people make money and actually doing something in any field accounts for very very little of their PnL. Of course, I know of many guys who walk the walk and talk the talk but the scary thing I have found is that they are THE EXCEPTIONS THAT PROVE THE RULE, not the exceptions to it.

The truth is, success is as slippery and as non-explainable as a neo-liberals view of government and social reform. Success is arbitrary. I don’t wanna hear that shit about hard work equaling success because I know people who have worked considerably harder than me and never had anything near the amount of “success” that I do. Am I going to say that it’s a racket? No I won’t simply because in a room of a million monkeys typing on a computer, maybe 10 or 15 can come up with one coherent string of words. It’s not that success is impossible, it’s just not as possible as it is made out to be and it certainly isn’t attained through the route that most people think it’s attained through.

I just hate looking and listening to those types of media. It makes me angry and it honestly insults my effort in this ultimately stupid career choice that I made.

I wish I never went into trading. It is so absolutely….exhaustive. I will never be able to get into a field where I will make anywhere near the same amount of money in less than 10 years and I am already getting older. My wife and I want to have children and even then, that will be an addition to how much money I have to make per day. This is why I wish I just became a doctor. I regret having bought this dream of daytrading and position trading. But I probably would be in much more worse circumstances.

I just wanted to write this as a beginning to my goodbye to this blogging site. It’s my day off and I should be enjoying it. After all, I will have to work again tomorrow and being that it’s a Friday, I will need to make sure I am green to go into the weekend. For now, this is something for you guys who have read my entries and my musings. I hope your trading days went well.

As for myself, I will gorge more on food and video games while waiting for my wife to get home. It was a fun day off. I am a very fortunate person to have had it.

And of course, fuck trading.

Like Something Out Of A Dream

The New York Stock Exchange was…in a word…magnificent this morning. Smooth, silky, lustrous (I don’t even know if that’s the right spelling); it was everything that a person of the financial markets could have ever hoped it would be. Not only was the cash open like that, but so were my asset trades which were the right assets to pick considering today’s market.

I only traded the British Pound 4 times today and the entire PnL for it was amazing. Maximum size and ticks abounded. I thought to myself that this is probably as far as my luck would go and looked forward to the cash open with great trepidation.

But when the bell rang in New York, I knew that my max exposure would not only take me to the promised land, but allow me to take tomorrow off. I felt like I was in heaven and I am sure that the afternoon had even more action in store for the patient traders that were in it.

Like I said, I am going to take the day off tomorrow to just ease back from allowing myself to get too comfortable. I need to reaffirm psychologically just how difficult this game is and while a losing day makes you do that, stepping out of the ring after a big day like this is – IMO – more effective. With my wife working the whole day tomorrow, everything under the clear blue sky is mine for the taking; the pool, TV, internet, video games, the grill, etc.

Damn, trading can be such a wh*re, but when you’re making money it’s like being a billionaire and living out your days in Santa Barbara California.

Hitting The Books

The New York Stock Exchange performed very well today. While I would have loved a PnL like the ones I’ve been having for the last couple of days, I knew that the merry-go-round would end soon enough. But it wasn’t all bad. We are still feeling the residual effects from the volatility surrounding the President’s tariff threats. If history has taught us anything, we are still far from a conclusion and the Chinese want a conclusion that is profitable for them.

My trades in Feeder Cattle were nothing to write home about as I sensed a shift in the general marketplace. I wanted to go in with half of my maximum contract exposure but I thought better of it and let my risk management instincts take over. It’s good that I did because there really wasn’t much for me to work with in that market. It was two bad attempts for every one good trade. In the end, I made nothing.

Same with the cash open. While I felt like we’d be in for a triple digit day, I figured it would be a slow rise to the top with most of the action happening after the open. I was only half right on that but because I wasn’t sized up as much, I didn’t make as much money as I wanted to. It’s fine – I didn’t feel like I really had any sure footing in today’s trading anyway.

If you’ve seen my blogs in the past, you know that I still like to play video games. I am working on expanding my video game repertoire to include more titles instead of just the Madden, Call Of Duty, and Halo type games. I bought Metal Gear V: Phantom Pain some time ago and I simply could not understand anything of the games mechanics. Mind you, I wasn’t playing all that often but I just couldn’t get it. In all fairness, the game is vast and it’s more of a sweeping work of art if anything. While I did buy the game used, I knew that it would be an investment of time where I would have to learn incrementally. Unsatisfied with my progress up to now, I decided to go and buy a game guide which I will commence studying and really dig into when I take my Labor Day vacation. Here is the guide in all its glory:

I can’t wait to play the game again.

My wife wants to eat dinner at a steakhouse tonight so I guess the impending food coma will probably keep me from opening the guide tonight.

When A Plot Against The Emperor Failed….

The New York Stock Exchange traded hard today and boy was it a doozy. However it was exactly what I needed and hopefully it will set the tone volatility-wise for the rest of the week.

I did not trade any assets today because nothing registered in my risk parameters that I could justify. I did, however, trade the cash open on maximum exposure and save 2 or 3 trades where I had to get out quick, I made very good money with little work.

I wanted to swim today but today’s afternoon time had to be given towards cleaning the pool and pool filter – a deceptively strenuous ordeal. My first summer job as a young lad was a pool cleaner assistant and while you would think I would have lurid tales of scantily dressed housewives posing seductively for me as I cleaned the pool, the reality was a far more disappointing landscape filled with overweight female sea-donkeys and older single men with questionable sexual orientations and fetishes.

Speaking of older single men with questionable sexual orientations and fetishes, I was half surprised/half not when they “found” Jeffrey Epstein “dead” in his cell of a “suicide”. Man, you make all that money trading and what do you do? Pimp teeny bopper girls out to other men? Jesus, what an ass. While I think he is dead, there’s a part of me that thinks maybe this dude and his *ahem* friends were able to give him one of those pills that slow your pulse and with the help of complicit ME’s, get a death certificate issued and then *whooooosh!* while people think Jeffrey Epstein is being cremated, he is on a plane to Brazil where a plastic surgeon turns him into a tanned, smaller jawed man named Ilario Ibaez hahaha. It’s just a theory but it’s sad that it can be possible. Anyway, going back to when I heard the news of his death, you know what the first thing that came to mind was? That scene in Godfather II where Tom Hagen is tellin Frankie 5 Angels the way to make it all up to Mike. LOL

Posting Early – It’s Been A While

The New York Stock Exchange traded well this morning. In fact, it has traded pretty damn good all week – if you’re the type that needs, no, CRAVES volality, WORSHIPS volatility, COMMITS SEPPUKU and whips your intestines all over the place for volatility! Yeah, that’s me, except for the seppuku because I’m a wimp like that. I can’t even be around a paper clip without flinching out of fear it’ll puncture my skin, what makes you think I’d willingly stab and disembowel myself?? My wife knows my unreasonable fear and uses it to her advantage. Women be cray, yo.

Anyway, I didn’t post yesterday so consider this post from yesterday as well. Aggregate PnL for both days is nothing short of a dream. Did ok on the cash opens on 1/2 capacity and asset trades were positive. I didn’t make much combined in the last two days but Wheat and British Pound have been good to me.

Overall, I am going into the weekend green as the marijuana plants grass in my backyard and it feels damn good. Was I as productive as I wanted to be? Well, in short – NO. But I am my own worst critic and I have to push myself because no one is going to do it for me. As always, I am thankful to God that this market has finally picked up and given me the moves that I really needed because who knows what next week will bring. I’m already sad thinking about it. But I know that I have to combat the sadness and there’s no better way to combat the sadness than driving the lifted truck and putting on some….


Ohhhh Yeahhhh

The New York Stock Exchange traded very very well today. This is exactly what I needed. I was sized up more than half on my contracts and I didn’t have to do a whole lot of work – the markets did it for me.

Cocoa was remarkably a willing participant in my PnL orgy as well making the trading experience as sweet as the chocolate derived from it as well.

I’m just gonna chill dawg. Cause I am just thankful as f*ck that today worked out the way it did.

I got a lot of feedback from friends who read my blog – both liberal and conservative and it really seems like we are no nearer to solving the circumstances that cause gun violence even though our words and examples – whether correct or not – are more and more precise to their intended effect. One of my friends here, Vinchenzo did a pretty cool and informative vid on the left’s NY Times uproar: you can check it out by clicking the link.

In other news, the wife was out shopping this morning and brought me home a copy of Titanfall 2 for my Xbox One. That wasn’t the big surprise, the surprise was how much she got it for – $7! That’s crazy, especially since it was in a newly wrapped package. She knew I had my eye on that game for ages so when she saw it she grabbed it immediately thinking it was a store error. This is why I love her.

And this is why I am so happy on days like this where trading and life work in unison together instead of trading being such an unruly little fuckstick that I have to keep it from seeping into the blessings of my day.

Fuck you trading…..but not today – you were a good friend. You better keep it up…li’l bitch.

A Suggestion Regarding Mass Shootings

The New York Stock Exchange traded great today which should have been cause for joy for me. However, I was a little uncomfortable with the way the markets were moving early in the morning and my contract size algo confirmed it: I didn’t have the capacity to size up over half capacity. In fact, I went a step further than that and kept my size to like 3/8 capacity or something lesser than that.

I’m glad that I did because I just could not get a good feel for the market when it opened. I just traded like crap. For every good trade I had, I lost on two trades. Now, this would have been ok if I made enough on my asset trades to offset this however, my asset trades were kind of the same which led to an erosion of the PnL I gained trading Wheat. It was a frustrating day.


So, when the Garlic Festival shooting broke through the newswires, my wife and I were perplexed but sadly we figured “hey, this is the new normal in America”. Then, the El Paso one happened and finally, in my old neighborhood in Dayton, Ohio. This is just nuts. Obviously, everyone wants answers right away and I don’t blame the victims. However, we have to stop for a little bit here and separate the victims and genuine sympathizers from the people jumping on this cause for the sake of loud advocacy. Yes, there are people who just float around from cause to cause and repeat their respective bullet points on it. It’s no different than the person who goes from sports team to sports team saying they’re a “hardcore fan”. The thing about these protest-minded people is that – with the issue of guns – their heart is in the right place, but their facts are all skewed. What’s even more concerning to me is that some of these people know their facts are skewed but are determined to ram a politicized narrative into the broad mediasphere of influence.

First, let me say this: the overwhelming percentage of gun violence and fatalities is from small pistol firearms that find their way into the inner cities of Chicago, New Orleans, NYC, L.A., etc. They are often stolen, moved through the underground market, and have had their serial numbers scrubbed so as to avoid a trail. What the left-wing people want you to think is that the totality of the gun problem stems from white men with access to assault rifles – only. And thus, to prevent gun violence, there has to be some kind of extreme measure put forth to stop them from getting their guns. The real truth is that, yes white young men with rifles are committing these mass murders but young male minorities are, statistically, more complicit and make up much of the problem when it comes to gun related fatalities.

Am I a racist? It depends, right? If I’m white and I’m saying this, then you can make the argument that I am. But I’m not white. In fact, I am a minority who grew up in the same types of neighborhoods that gun violence is prevalent in. Additionally, I will tell you that growing up – my fear was not directed towards white men, or even white police officers. My fear was directed at the young male peers that I was growing up with and had to share streets, schools and daily life with. It was not until I was older that I got enough control of my life to leave such a place but that’s besides the point. The point is, gun violence is not a totally white male, assault rifle thing. It’s not even a totally minority male, handgun thing.

Gun violence is a pride thing.

Think about it. Conflict arises when one side thinks they can get away with doing something egregious to the other side. That’s conflict in a nutshell. The problem is, neo-liberal education has taught us that conflict is rooted in some nebulous corner of the mind and that it can be deduced or placated by words of praise or positive affirmation. The unprecedented level of violence, which will only grow more and more, is fueled by the realization of the vast disconnect between what we are taught about conflict resolution and the reality of the world. This is my quarrel with the left in general. Their words sound great – but it doesn’t really jive with the realities of living. And to top it off, they recuse themselves from the draconian standards they set on their constituents by veiling it – often thinly – in labels that imply superior virtue and morality. But i’m digressing over here.

The more young men – and women are forced to carry the burden of a false paradigm regarding conflict resolution, the more the outliers of their population – the socially/economically disenfranchised – will resort to violence as their only option.

My solution?

Let kids as young as kindergarten age box it out.


Because in order for people to respect one another, it’s action – or the threat of action – that acts as a deterrent moreso than words or “diplomacy” ever will. Here where I live, we all have guns and we all understand the implicit meaning that it has in our daily dealings with each other. But moreso than the guns, people here know that there are consequences for social gaffes such as bullying or disrespecting someone. We don’t play games here because we know we can’t afford to. There is a decorum when approaching and talking to another man because that man may just have a socket lug wrench within arm’s reach of their steering wheel (that’s me by the way, lol). This is the decorum that’s largely missing from young men and women in schools and the deterioration of this barrier logically leads to situations where social/economic ostracization incubates the violent outlook that many of these gun perpetrators have. You may think that the white guy with the rifle mowing down people is evil incarnate but I can tell you from personal experience, the minority with the gun in their hand who leverages that to oppress people in the neighborhood has that same devil in their eye. Making it about race is something only silly, half-educated people do. Barack Obama was right in saying to reject hateful and racist language from social leaders. However, whether he meant it to include even Muslim, Chinese, Black, Latino leaders is up for debate. That is the crucible that the left-wing faces now because they not only have a problem with reality – but they have a problem with credibility and the real world is catching up to them.

So yeah, back to letting kids box it out to hammer out their difference. Put some gloves on them, have a ref in there and let the bullied confront their bulliers. Let the oppressed have a chance against their oppressors. When there is a real consequence to unwarranted socio/economic violence, that’s when many of these problems will reduce to the territory of unfortunate outliers instead of moving towards the curve of a new normalcy. Kids have to learn that and it’s urgent, now more than ever, that this is the very first thing they are taught instead of following some athlete’s half-educated stance on police brutality or the country’s anthem.

Gun violence is the outgrowth of a pseudo-horseshit science based left-wing social engineering effort gone absolutely wrong and it’s our job as citizens to confront that inconvenient truth. You cannot keep disenfranchising people and thinking that they won’t react in some way. Everyone deserves a certain level of respect and we all need to hold ourselves to the same standard that we hold other people to. That way, we are all courteous and respectful to one another. We don’t have to be sugary and sweet, just professional – that’s it. Just be a professional. I harp about that word here in the blog because so many people don’t know what it is to be a professional. You have to do it so that you become a good example for your kids and the kids you influence.

I have a stake in this as well, as do you. No one wants to be the victim of a sudden wave of violence. Now, not only do I have to watch myself when I’m passing through certain parts of New York City, but I also have to think about what could happen if I’m just shopping at a local Wal-Mart or eating at a TGIFridays.

Limping Along

The New York Stock Exchange traded very well this morning. It was exactly what I needed. I was sized up half-way to my max contracts so my good trades really helped my overall PnL. It just sucks that we’ve got these geo-political things to worry about but I can’t complain – that’s what got me the PnL in the first place.

Trading currencies was the way to go today – specifically, currencies that were pegged to the US but not overly dependent on it so as not to fall into market bias but have just enough reason to move. Of course, by now you know that I trade the British Pound. I wish I could have had as good of a PnL as I had with this asset as I did with the cash open but I ended up only with a little bit of money.

Still, the day was productive and even though I didn’t go swimming in the pool right away, I just decided to whip out my mini Weber grill and make some hamburgers for me and the wife who is off today.

Totally Glad To Be Done With The Week

The New York Stock Exchange traded kind of like yesterday, there were opportunities to profit but only if you were sized correctly. Instead of being at half-capacity though, I reduced further just because I felt like today was going to be slow. Even though my fortune telling was correct, trading was an altogether different matter.

I just did not have the right stuff going in and my cash open performance was 1 step forward/2 steps back. It was the same for my trades with Orange Juice. I just didn’t have a good handle on the market. I had two trades on the asset which accounted for the positive PnL number but I think I’m aggregately in the red by a smidge. Not the way I want to go out but I’ll accept losing a little money instead of a lot.

It’s a shame. I was really gunning for a positive day. Yeah, I really hate this fucking job.

I’m starting to survey the landscape for a new truck now. Currently, my RAM dually serves my needs very well but now that I’m close to paying it off, I’m starting to think about what towing life would be like with the new high output 6. Of course, I would love it if the choice was so easy but being a RAM owner for most of my life, there are things that are pushing me to consider Ford and even the Chevrolet dually variants. I just like the RAM because I think it’s an overall efficient unit with the Cummins engine. It’s not to take anything away from the Duramax or the Powerstroke but there is something to be said for its longevity and ease of maintenance – relatively speaking. I don’t need the ultra luxo trim but I would like to stay at the trim level I have now or move a step higher. I have yet to look at Ford’s King Ranch and Chevy’s High Country trim levels and test drive them. RAM just really knows how to make a good looking western themed truck with the Laramie Longhorn edition. My wife loves it and it was a big part in her accepting the truck life hahaha.

Of course, after spending money on constructing the pool, I’m not in the position to just go out and buy a rig but as the months pass on and the trade value of my current dually starts to erode, I will have to make a decision soon. I’ll tell you though, the new RAMs with that new high output six looks amazing.

Gettin It Done

The New York Stock Exchange moved pretty well today, relative to the last couple of days. I really wanted to take advantage of this day by going max contracts but I realized that it was more important for me to be nimble in getting in and out so I decided instead to reduce size to a little over a half. That way, I could go with speed over bulk.

I was rewarded for this strategy by a pleasant trading experience and one where I was productive overall. The cash open went well and my trades in Feeder Cattle (again) were – for the most part – flawless. It is rare to have days like this. And to top it off with internet porn a dip in the pool is definitely the way to go. I was feeling pretty good. Now, my focus is to be as emotionally steady and disciplined heading into tomorrow because I would really like to go into the weekend on a positive note – even if it’s just breaking even. I don’t want to have to climb out of a hole.

I installed a new bull bar for the truck today. It’s just a simple overlay that uses tow hook supports – nothing like those brokeback mountain bumper combos with flashing pink LED’s all over the frame. I like to keep things direct and to the point. I replaced my old bull bar because the stainless steel is starting to show too many dings and dents and there are some rust spots developing. Now I can’t wait to indiscriminately ram into things while I haul shit around haha (just kidding…sort of).